


To New Beginnings

by BeYoutifulDisaster



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Apartment, Baby Names, Bleeding, Blood, Bruises, Carved, Chinese Food, Couch, Counselor - Freeform, Crying, Cuts, Dinner, Dress, Eventual Smut, F/M, Family, Flirting, Forlinis, Fortune Cookies, Friendship, Future, Happy, Heartbreak, Hormones, Lavish, Lawyer, Leather, Leaving, Love, Lunch, Moving On, News, Objection, Ocean, Opening Up, Pink tie, Pocket square, Pregnancy, Promises, Running, Sass, Sickness, Smut, Starting Over, Stitches, Suit, Talking, Texting, Victim - Freeform, Water, Work, artwork, body - Freeform, candle, careful, date, emoji, good news, graze, gun - Freeform, hostage, joking, luxurious, non-alcoholic wine, paper work, perp, seated, sex drive, shot, surprise, thoughts, wound
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-03-15 14:06:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13614930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeYoutifulDisaster/pseuds/BeYoutifulDisaster
Summary: Rafael Barba's decision to depart from SVU is one you never expected, leaving you with more than just a broken heart.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Work title may change

Amazing, is it not, how easily the strongest working muscle in the human body can break?

Personally, throughout my life, I have had my share of heartbreaks but never to this extent where it feels like my vocal cords are closing, making it difficult, nearly impossible to breathe.

"He said it was time for him to move on" was what my Lieutenant muttered an hour ago, regarding our ADA's sudden and unexpected departure, those ten words still replaying over and over in my head, bringing tears to my eyes.

"Y/n"

Loud and clear, I hear my voice being called but choose to ignore it, repeatedly and annoyingly continuing to click away at my pen while staring blankly at my computer screen.

"Y/n" the voice calls yet again, more forcefully this time, my partner, Sonny, snapping his fingers in front of my face, successfully grabbing my attention.

"Yes?"

"You okay?"

"Yeah" I fib with a nod "Why do you ask?"

"Because you only ever repeatedly click your pen and zone out when something is wrong, what's going on?" He questions with worry filled orbs and lowered brows

"She misses Barba, man" Fin cuts in, an amused smirk plastered on his face

Fin was right, I did miss Barba, a lot, and I had every reason to. I admit, our work-related relationship in the beginning was sour and far from perfect but we agreed that since we were stuck with each other we minus well try and work it out. And, so, with time, that is exactly what we did, Barba and I eventually forming a bond that was tightly knit and unbreakable, or so I thought.

"I..." A tear slides down my cheek that I quickly wipe away, a lump forming in my throat "Excuse me" I slam my pen down on top of my notepad and jump from my seat, scurrying out the door towards the ladies restroom, saving myself from further embarrassment.

"Hey" Fin's voice echoes from behind me out in the hallway "Y/n, wait a minute" he catches up, gently wrapping his digits around my upper arm, stopping me

I turn around, facing him with red, wet orbs, sniffling "I can't talk about this with you, Fin"

"Why not? Look, whatever it is, you know I will help you, right?" He stares at me for a moment before continuing to speak, scanning my features like a lie detector, studying me "This is about Barba but it's not just that you miss him, is it?"

"Look, Fin, I appreciate your concern, I do, but trust me when I say that I _can't_ tell you" I utter slowly, placing strong emphasis on the third to last word "For reasons that only the man himself can find out about first"

Fin's mouth slowly goes agape, his eyes opening wide in shock "You're...." He pauses as I nod, confirming his suspicions "When?"

I sigh, going ahead and discussing exactly what I said I couldn't discuss "Last week the same night the squad went out for drinks and-"

"Barba and you were the last two to leave"

"Yeah" I acknowledge "I just found out and I was planning on telling him but..." I open my arms wide, slapping them back down at my side

"You still can"

"And I will" I nod in agreement "Eventually"

Fin inches closer, enveloping me in a warm embrace, my head resting on his shoulder, face nuzzled in the crook of his neck "Uncle Fin" he lightly chuckles, planting a kiss on the top of my head "I like the sound of that"

"Yeah, so do I" I convey, with a light chuckle of my own, dissipating my sadness for the time being

"Everything will work out, y/n, just give it time. Barba is not the type to walk away from friends or family"

"Yeah, well, he sure fooled me"


	2. Chapter 2

Half an hour in and our suspect still has not shown. Our victim, Maylen Moore, a thirty-year old assistant to the owner of a multi-million-dollar company who claims to have been brutally raped by her own boss, Julian Carter, in his office, leans against the wall of the coffee shop inhaling on a cigarette she has situated between two fingers, patiently waiting for him.

I was against putting her in this situation but, with the fact that this case has turned into a diabolical mess of he said, she said, and not to mention the lack of sufficient evidence, we had no choice but to wire her up and get a confession out of his own mouth instead.  

“I’ll give him another half hour” I mutter lowly to my partner as I watch her from my passenger’s side window “If he doesn’t show I’m bringing her back in”

“He’ll show” my partner assures from beside me, the fingers of one hand impatiently tapping against the steering while the others held on to a Starbucks cup of coffee.

“He better” I turn my head and glance at him as he brought the cup to lips, gradually taking a sip of the hot liquid “How many of those have you had?”

Sonny inserts his coffee into the cup holder between us “This would be my third today” he smirks “And I couldn’t help but notice you haven’t had any in a while”

“Haven’t been in the mood for coffee lately” I fib with a shrug of the shoulders and a coy smile

“Liar” Sonny jokingly scoffs “It’s because they remind you of Barba, isn’t it?”

I groan and dramatically roll my eyes, slamming my head in annoyance against the head rest “Will you stop?”

Sonny opens his mouth to speak but mutters no words, only nodding his head towards our victim, the suspect having finally arrived.

“Suspect has arrived” Sonny speaks into the radio, alerting Liv and Fin who were situated two blocks ahead of us with all the recording equipment “It’s show time”

They make their way into the coffee shop and take a seat by the window, my partner and I intently listening on as they began to conversate.

Everything was going well at first. They were talking and sipping on coffee until, out of nowhere, it all went haywire. Minutes after she finally got the confession, he became suspicious as she continued to endlessly question and accuse him, forcefully ripping open her blouse to reveal the wire taped to her chest.

“She’s been made” I loudly enunciate into the radio “We’re going in”

Sonny and I step out of the vehicle and briskly amble into the coffee shop, immediately drawing our weapons as Julian grabbed Maylen and held her against himself with her back pressed against his front and a blade of a knife held firmly against her throat

“Julian, you don’t want to do this, drop the knife and let her go” I order, my index finger on the trigger of my gun I had pointed at his forehead, ready to fire at any minute

“No, you drop your guns or I swear I’ll kill her”

Maylen tightly shuts her eyes, tears streaming down her cheeks “Help me, please” she pleads through her sobs “Please”

“My partner is right, Julian, you don’t have to do this. Just let her go and we can fix this, w-”

“Fix it? This bitch has ruined me, ruined my marriage, my life!”

“I understand that, Julian, but you can start over”

“In prison?” Julian counters “No thanks, I’ve come too far and accomplished way too much to let it all go to waste over nothing” He releases Maylen from his hold and pushes her forward towards me.

My partner and I both saw his next move coming but were too late to counter as he swiftly reached behind his back and pulled out his pistol, automatically firing a single shot, the bullet grazing me right across the flesh of my thigh.

I cry out in agonizing pain and drop to the floor, automatically applying pressure to the wound that burned and bled profusely.  

“Y/n!” Sonny worriedly shouts my name, ready to drop on his knees beside me until I yell, assuring him that I was alright, witnessing his tall, lean, frame whisk by me in a matter of seconds with walkie in hand, calling for a bus.

Olivia and Fin run in a couple of minutes later, one tending to me and the other calming down our victim and the other civilians around us.

“You’re going to be alright, y/n, a bus is on its way” Fin declares, gently stroking my hair with his hand, trying to keep me as calm as possible until the bus finally arrived, taking me to the hospital.

Six hours, thirty stitches, and some ibuprofen was all it took before I was back on my feet and in front of Rafael Barba’s apartment door at ten o’clock at night in a romper dress and heel sandals with a purse hanging from my shoulder and Chinese food in hand.

I inhale a deep breath and knock, waiting as the door finally gradually swings open, Rafael standing on the other side of the threshold in a white undershirt and black comfy pants.

“Y/n” he enunciates my name with surprise “What…”

I smile softly, casually running my eyes over his features before speaking. His hair was still gelled and dark with hints of gray on the sides. His eyes, brown and beautiful, were a shade darker than I last remember, and his face, so angelic coated in a caramel complexion, his cheeks no longer smooth, covered in specks of a salt and pepper stubble, accentuating his lips, pink and thin.

"Hey Rafi” I raise my hand holding the bag of food that dangled from my index and middle finger “I brought Chinese, mind if I come in?”

“Ugh, no, please” He steps aside, motioning for me to advance inside his rather luxurious, tiny apartment, white in color, decorated with expensive artwork and leather furniture “What happened to your leg?”

A nervous chuckle escapes through my departed lips as I rest the food on the coffee table, knowing damn well he was going to ask. At first, I had originally planned on wearing long pants to hide the wound but figured, since I’ll already be opening up about one thing, why not be open about all things, wounds and all.  

“Well take a seat with me because we have plenty to discuss. This and more”

“That’s why you brought Chinese food?” he meant that as a joke but I was not laughing, swallowing back tears, trying desperately not to cry as they welled on the brim of my eyes.

“Yeah, that’s why I brought Chinese food” I force a simper, waiting as Barba situated himself beside me “Did you eat already?”

Rafael snickers, lightly shaking his head “What happened to your leg y/n?” he repeats, deliberating that maybe I was trying to avoid his question when I clear as day heard him ask it the first time.

“I will get to that but first I have something to show you that I think is much more important than the wound on my leg” I place my purse on my lap and reach inside, grabbing a hold of the pregnancy test that I brandish and hand over.

Rafael grabs the stick and glances at the tiny screen with two lines running through it “What is this?”

“It-It’s a pregnancy test, Rafael” I answer delicately “I’m pregnant”  


	3. Chapter 3

Speechless. Rafael Barba was at a loss for words as he intently stared at the two lines present on the stick he so strongly held with shaking hands.

“Rafael” I softly whisper his name in hopes of regaining his attention, gently resting my hand on his forearm

“Preg…When…I…” he drifts, shaking his head in disbelief “We were careful”

“Apparently not enough”

Rafael gradually swings his head in my direction. I glance over his features, reading him like an open book. His eyes were glossy and wet, dark brows furrowed, bottom lip slightly pouted and quivering, all of these signs a giveaway that he was anything but excited and for understandable reasons.

“When di-When did you find out?”

“Yesterday morning”

“Yesterday” he repeats, finally laying the test down on top of the table, folding his hands together in front of him “Anyone else know?”

“Just Fin, but only because he managed to figure it out on his own”

“Well, he is a detective after all” he cocks his lips into a side smirk, forcing himself to smile and be happy, even for a split second

“Yeah” I scoff, masking my uncomfortableness with a chuckle “But so am I, Rafael”

“And?”

“It’s not that hard to figure out that you’re afraid, which is completely understandable, consider-”

“I’m terrified, actually” Barba interjects admittedly, swallowing back tears “The whole thought of parenthood terrifies me and I blame it on nothing but my own childhood, on my father, his behavior towards me, towards my mother, forever making me afraid of having children because I always think that what if there is a part of me that-”

“Rafi, you are nothing like your father, ok?” I assure, the thumb of my hand rubbing back and forth against the skin of his arm “If you were, I think that side of you would have shown itself long ago and, doing what you did to that baby, finally putting him at rest, giving him the peace he so rightfully deserved, would have come so easily for you but it didn’t. That, right there, already speaks volumes to the type of man you are”

“Yeah” he sniffles “I guess you’re right”

“Come on, aren’t I always?”

“Right” he counters sarcastically with a chuckle and a single nod of the head “So where do we go from here?”

“Wherever you want” I shrug “If you need time to think things over, let all of this sink in, then I am more than happy to let you do that. No rush.”

“No, there’s nothing to think over, y/n” he reaches forward and grabs the bag, bringing out the containers of rice with chicken and vegetables along with the fortune cookies “I’m going to be there for our baby, for you, every step of the way”

“That would be the right thing to do but is that really what you want, Rafael?”

He sat for a moment in silence before turning his head and answering with confidence and honesty a simple “Yes”

“Okay” I smile faintly, believing him, grabbing a fortune cookie that I unwrap and crack open, reading aloud the writing on the piece of paper “The one you love is closer than you think”

“Wow” Rafael musters, brown pools staring softly in my direction “That’s quite a fortune”

“Yeah, ugh…” I clear my throat, reaching over and grabbing another fortune cookie, handing it to him while managing to avoid eye contact “Your turn”

Rafael accepts the cookie, tearing it apart and reading the fortune he held in his hands with a clear voice “A pleasant surprise is in store for you”

I break out in laughter, immediately apologizing for my inappropriate behavior to laugh at such a serious time “I’m sorry, it’s just…Can you imagine reading that before I told you I was pregnant?”

“Yeah, I would have been a little freaked out to be quite honest with you” he snickers “But the news, while indeed a big surprise, is in fact pleasant. A new life and a chance to start over usually always is”

“Is that…Um…Is that why you left? To start over?”

His orbs sneak a peek at the test still resting atop the table “Yeah” he nods “I felt it was time for me to move on, to finally breathe, enjoy everything I couldn’t before, it was time for me to finally be happy, y/n”

“Are you?”

“I am” he answers sincerely “Very much so”

“Good” I quickly wipe away a tear that slid down my cheek “I’m glad that you’re happy but I think, after everything we have been through together, that I am at least owed an explanation as to why Liv was the only one to get a goodbye from you.”

“The truth is, y/n, I was not going to divulge to anyone that I was leaving. Liv was the only one to get a goodbye because she was the one who found me before I left, asked me what was next and I answered her honestly” he responds “I’m sorry”

“No, I-I understand, Rafi, it’s perfectly fine. Chances are, I probably would have done the same” I grab my container of food and open it, eating away at the rice and vegetables with a fork in silence, feeling Rafael’s gaze burn against the wound on my thigh

“Since we’re opening up about everything, is it now appropriate for me to finally get an answer as to what happened to your leg?”

I chew and swallow down the piece of chicken just inserted into my mouth and rest the half-filled container back on the table “I-” I inhale in deeply, preparing myself for the lecture of disapproval that was to come “I got grazed”

“With a bullet?”

“Yes”

“What happened?”

“We had to wire our victim up to get a confession. She eventually got made and the perp took her as a hostage. Carisi and I storm in, trying to talk him out of it when, out of nowhere, he reaches behind and pulls out his gun, firing a single shot"

“And all of this happened when?”

“Earlier today”

“Right, okay” Rafael scoffs “And you said you found out about the pregnancy yesterday morning which means you willingly went out, knowing damn well your condition, putting not only yourself but also an unborn child’s life in jeopardy, y/n, what were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t, alright? You have every right to feel the way you do but believe me when I say that I would never be able to live with myself if I didn’t get justice for this girl, Rafael. I made a promise to her that I would do everything in my power to put this guy behind bars and I’ll be damned if I turn my back on her now, not after what she’s been through”

“I understand and wholeheartedly respect that but you’re a mother now, y/n. That baby growing inside of you is the only one that deserves the safety and love you can provide. Please don’t rob him or her of a chance at life just because of feelings you develop over a case, putting yourself in danger over people you will probably no longer ever see again, people you rescue today but probably, God forbid, end up dying an hour later, tomorrow even”

“What exactly is it that you are asking from me, Rafi?”

He smiles faintly, doleful, brown orbs staring longingly into mine as he grabs my hand and opens his mouth to speak

“Start over with me”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big apologies to all who have been waiting forever for me to update this...I have just had so much trouble thinking of what to write but, alas, here it is!:
> 
> Introductory chapter for upcoming chapters  
> -Stone will play a bigger role when it comes to reader's personal life  
> -Reader's mother will make an appearance soon and turn her world upside down  
> -Sonny and the rest of the squad will soon find out about her pregnancy
> 
> No Barba in this chapter but he will be in the next one :D

Oh, how the tables have turned as now I was the one left speechless and at a loss for words. I stared blankly at Rafael for a moment before mustering that I needed time to think about it. After all, he was asking me to leave behind a part of my life, my family for God’s sake, something I never really had growing up.

“Yeah, of course, take all the time you need” is how he genuinely responded with a soft voice and puppy dog eyes, strong arms pulling me close towards him in a warm embrace, lips delicately whispering into my ear, asking me to spend the night.

That was an offer put forth that I happily accepted but it was nothing sexual like I’m sure numerous people would assume if they were to find out. The remainder of that night mostly only consisting of cuddling and a Walking Dead marathon until we eventually fell asleep, cradled in each other’s arms until sunrise where I was the first to wake, quietly sneaking out of Rafael’s apartment and back onto my own, getting myself ready before heading off to work.

The precinct was half empty upon entry, quickly remembering that today was Maylen’s trial. Ever since I was a kid I have never been a fan of courtrooms and regularly tend to avoid them any chance I get unless, of course, I am called as a witness. Regardless, Maylen knows she has my full support and stand behind her one hundred percent.

With a sigh, I amble over to my desk and take a seat. I pull out my cell from my pocket and scroll through my contacts, clicking the text icon next to his name with a slight press down of the thumb, apologizing for my early departure, making dinner plans at Forlini’s, the squads usual spot when in a hungry mood.

Rafael replied back almost instantly, the phone vibrating in my hand. A smile creeps on my face as I read his words of good morning and asking me how I am, immediately accepting my apology and the dinner invitation with a smile emoji.

As much as I had hoped, there was not much back and forth between the two of us as he was too polite to keep me from my paperwork, insinuating it would be more pleasant to conversate face over pretty face. I chuckled but he was right, so I said my goodbye and shut him off for the moment, inserting my phone back into my pocket.

I grab the stack of manila folders that rested in the corner of my desk and get to work, busying myself until my hand grew numb and sore, the hours on the clock quickly passing by with just a deafening tic and toc, greeting the afternoon with a warm welcome.

“Hey” the giddy voice belonging to Barba’s replacement, Peter Stone, conveys as he ambles closer to my table in his expensive, crisp navy-blue suit and red tie, his hands hidden in his pants pockets and a flashy smile brightly plastered on his face “Didn’t see you in court earlier”

“I don’t do courtrooms” I reply with a simper of my own, repeatedly flicking the end of my pen against the hard surface of the tabletop “How did it go?”

“It went well. Jury found Carter guilty on all counts” he answers “I was actually heading out for a drink to celebrate, thought you might want to join me”

I snicker at his offer, coyly shaking my head “Thank you for the invitation, but I’ll have to pass”

“Okay then, rain check? Maybe we have dinner instead?”

“Are you asking me out on a date, Mr. Stone?” I question teasingly as I tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear

He brings a hand out of his pocket, nervously rubbing the back of his neck “Yeah, I guess I am”

“Again, thank you, but I would have to politely decline”

Stone dejectedly lowers his noggin, shaking it lightly “You rejecting me wouldn’t be because you’re still upset about the whole Barba thing, would it? You know I-”

“No” I interject “That’s not it at all, I understand you were just doing your job”

“Right” Stone nods his head in understanding “So it must be because you have a boyfriend then?”

“Something like that”

“I understand. Can’t blame a man for trying, right?”

“No, you can’t”

“Well, I should get going, let you get back to your paperwork” he turns to walk away but suddenly stops himself, facing me yet again “Just out of curiosity, may I ask why?”

“Why what, counselor?”

“Why you don’t do courtrooms”

I scoff, thinking back to my dreadful childhood when I was constantly the object of a tug and war banter battle between mom and dad “Childhood”

“Delinquent?”

“Try object of custody in a messy divorce”

“I’m sorry to hear that” he turns to walk away for the second time but halts once more after hearing the sound of my voice, soft and sincere, call his name.

“Hey, Stone”

He turns his head, brown orbs delicately peeking at me over his shoulder “Yeah?

“Thanks”

“For what?”

“Doing what you do best”

“Of course” Stone mumbles with a wink of the eye as he struts out the door, leaving me alone with my half-finished paperwork that I was no longer in the mood to get done as I huff with a heavy breath and reach back into my pocket, pulling out my cell that vibrated madly like an engine, opening a text message from my own partner in crime

 

**Sonny “Sunshine” Carisi**

Trial was a success. Jury found Carter guilty on all counts.  
We’re all going to celebrate later over drinks, want to join?

 

                                                      Lol, you're late, partner. Stone was just in here and told me all of that.  
Asked me out for drinks as well.   

And?

And I said no. Where are you guys right now anyway?

Quick lunch

Right, and just leave your partner here murdering  
herself in paperwork. Lol, I kid. How is Maylen doing?

She's relieved. Cried tears of joy every time  
she heard guilty.

Can you blame her, she’s been through a lot. How did she  
do on the stand?

Wonderful. Held it together, kept her cool.

Awesome, partner, I’m proud of her.

She knows it *wink emoji* What are you doing  
later that your turning down drinks with us anyway?  
Can’t believe you’re going to let me suffer through Fin’s  
stories all on my own

  
*Tear laugh emoji* I have plans, I’m not allowed to  
have plans? Lol

Hot date?

Just dinner with a very close friend, that’s all. I’d feel  
bad if I went and cancelled on them now

That’s understandable. We’ll grab drinks next time  
then, just you and I.

And you’re paying *Wink emoji* *Grin emoji*

Don’t I always?

Lol, yes and I love you for it *Kiss blow emoji*

 

Right back at you *Hug emoji* Can you believe the squad is picking on me right now? Lol, I'm going to go but have fun at dinner with your friend. I want all the juicy details afterwards!

Lol, yeah, yeah *Smile emoji* and thanks for keeping me in the loop by the way, 'preciate it

Anytime. That's what partners are for, no?

Oh, touché


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner, laughs, and sass with Reader and Rafael at Forlinis

Color me burgundy and drench me in lace, Rafael could not help but stare at me in awe as I followed the hostess to the table where he waited, sipping on a glass of water.

“Rafael” I greet with a smile as I approached the table, adorned with silverware and glasses, dimly lit with only a candle in the center.  

“Y/n” He stands gradually and wraps his thin but still muscular arms around my midsection, pulling me flush against him into a hug “You look beautiful” his voice, low and gentle, compliments into my ear.

“Thank you” I reciprocate, wrapping my arms around his neck, deeply inhaling in the scent of his cologne “So do you” my flattery referring to his black suit with a pink tie and pocket square to match.

Rafael releases me from his embrace and grabs my chair, pulling it back a few inches.

“What a gentleman” I remark as I lay my clutch purse on top of the table and take a seat, making myself comfortable “Gracias”

“De nada” he smirks, situating himself back to his original place across the table “I hope you don’t mind, but I took the liberty of ordering for the both of us”

“No, I’m actually glad that you did. What did you order?”

“Their special, A Gnocchi Skillet with Chicken, Sausage, and Tomatoes”

I simper widely, unfolding a napkin and laying it across my lap “Oh, I know that dish, it’s actually one of my favorites”

“I’m glad” Rafael reaches forward, wrapping his digits around the neck of a bottle “I also took the liberty of ordering a bottle of wine, would you care for some?”

“I-”

“Don’t worry” he assures “It’s obviously non-alcoholic”

“Well, in that case” I grab my glass and hold it towards the center of the table “I would love some”

Rafael tilts the bottle, red liquid pouring into the translucent cup “Thanks” I acknowledge “Shall we make a toast?”

Lowering the container, Rafael grabs his own already filled but untouched glass of wine and raises it into the air “Of course. Here’s to us, the future”

“And to our soon to be born child” We clink glasses and take a sip before placing them back on the table.

“So, how was work?”

I snicker, tucking a strand of wavy hair behind my ear “Work was good. Stone stopped into the precinct to personally let me know that justice for our victim was served and…” I drift off, lowering my head for a moment just to avoid eye contact, even if just for a split second

“And what, y/n?” Rafael raises his glass of wine, taking another sip

“And” I sigh “He asked me out to grab a drink to celebrate the win”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, but I declined. Both that and….dinner”

“He asked you out?”

“Yes, he did”

“Wow”

The busboy stops by our table with a big tray, placing our plates in front of us

“Thank you” Rafael and I acknowledge in unison to the young gentleman who nods and makes his way back into the kitchen

“So, the reason you declined his invitation wouldn’t be because of me, would it?” the man seated across from me questions as he grabs his spoon and begins to eat

“Yes actually, Rafael, it is” I respond with a mouthful and a warm simper, y/e/c eyes flirtatiously giving the good looking man across from me a scan, greatly admiring the usual gelled strands and scruff he still has yet to shave

Barba’s lips moderately curve into a wide, toothy grin, feeling victorious “And your leg, how is that feeling?”

“My leg is healing. It hurts a bit here and there but it’s healing, thanks for asking”

“Of course”

“But what about you, Rafi, how are you, how has your day been?”

“Good, good. My day was okay, can’t complain. Ran some errands, did some shopping, thought about baby names, you, us…our future” Rafael wraps his hand around the glass of water and raises it to his lips, taking a sip

“Really?" I tease flirtatiously “You…You thought about us?” my finger alternating between Rafael and I in a back and forth motion

“Yes”

“I think that’s sweet” I voice “So what about us exactly, were we married?”

“Yes, we were married and living happily ever after with our child in a private house by the beach. But-” he sighs “I mean, they’re just silly thoughts, right?”

“No, Rafael, they’re not just silly thoughts at all. I would actually love to live that thought”

“In my thoughts you were also no longer working in SVU though, y/n”

“Rafi-”

“Did you speak with Liv?”

I shake my head in denial “Not yet but I will, eventually. I’m still thinking about it”

“I understand as I, too, struggled immensely with making my decision as well. But, even if you choose not to leave, I will accept to live with that regardless. I just want you to be happy”

“Happy with you” I clarify, taking a sip of wine “So, you also mentioned you were thinking of baby names. Did you come up with any good ones?”

“I did. I don’t know if they’re necessarily good but I did”

“Care to fill me in?”

“Well, if we have a boy, I was thinking Manuel Ortiz Barba and for a girl I was thinking Catalina Ines Barba”

“I like those”

“Really?”

“Yes. I actually like and admire the fact that you want to remember your abuelita through our daughter, you know, if we even have a girl, that is”

Rafael finishes the remainder of his food, resting the spoon on top of the empty plate “How do you think the squad will react when they find out?”

“Oh Gosh, I think they will most definitely be surprised. I still don’t understand though, considering all the time we spend together at work, how Carisi has not caught on yet. He thinks my odd behavior is due to me missing having you around” I chuckle “I mean, I cut off coffee, eat more than usual, have the frequent bathroom trips. What other signs are there besides me vomiting all over his desk to scream ‘hey partner, I’m pregnant’?”  

“Possibly you beginning to show?”

“Yeah, possibly” I agree “But then he’d probably be confused as to if I’m really pregnant or just gaining weight”

“That-” Rafael cracks an infectious laugh “That is very true”

I let out a short lived laugh of my own as I finish the rest of my food and wine and sit back on my chair, wiping at my mouth with the napkin that was laid across my lap

“This was lovely, y/n” Rafael raises his hand, motioning over a busboy “Thank you for the invite”

“It was my pleasure, therefore-”

“Yes sir, anything I can get for you?” the blonde haired gentleman asks, his hands clasped together in front of him

“Yes, we’ll take the check now please”

“Of course, just give me a moment and I’ll have that ready for you”

“I should pay” I finish, as the busboy left, quickly returning a few seconds later with a folio to which he rested in the center of the table next to the candle before being called away to another table

“You will do no such thing. You may have invited me but I am still paying and that’s that y/n”

“Objection” I retort with a light slam of my palm against the tabletop in a playful manner

“Overruled”

I gasp “Rafael Barba, how dare you?”

We stare intently at each other for a moment like two westerners during a pistol duel before we both reach an arm forward towards the check, Rafael beating me to it

“Oh, you were so close too” Rafael mocks teasingly “Quizás la próxima vez, eh?” 

“Yeah, maybe” I roll my eyes and cross my arms across my chest, waiting as he placed the money into the folio “Your place or mine?”

“Whatever you’re comfortable with”

“My place it is then” I titter “But only because I feel that now it is your turn to be in mine since I was just recently in yours”

“So this will be a thing now, us alternating stays until the baby is born?”

“I guess, unless we decide to move in together”

“Where, your place or mine?” Rafael parroting my question back at me

I stand, smoothing the wrinkles of my dress and grabbing my purse “How about you take me home first and we’ll discus the matter while we lay lazily on my bed and watch whatever is on TV?”

“Your bed?”

“Yes. There is more room to stretch and…do other things”

“Other things?”

“Don’t play dumb with me Rafael” I counter with a coy smile, pushing in my chair “Now, are you coming or waiting for me to write you an invitation?”

Rafael stands, glaring at me under his thick and dark brows, causing me to giggle as he took his time pushing in his own chair “I’m coming but an invitation with a fancy letterhead would be nice too”

“Wow, nice comeback” I snicker

“Thank you”

I roll my eyes, walking ahead of him towards the doors “I was being sarcastic, counselor”

“In case you haven't realized yet, I’m not a lawyer anymore”

“Sure you are" I respond warmly "Once a lawyer, always a lawyer”   


	6. Chapter 6

Gentle as a feather and, still, with just a slow and steady rhythmic swing of his hips against my core, he has the ability to make me scream his name at the top of my lungs, loud and boisterous like firetruck sirens

"Rafael!"

Cockily he smirks and tightens his grip on the meat of my thighs as he pushes himself in deeper inside me, his rock-like cock, long and thick, contorting my insides into a knot like a pretzel.

I hide my face in the crook of his neck and bite hungrily into his flesh, muffling cries and whimpers of insurmountable pleasure he continues to endlessly hand out like candy on Halloween, except his love is twice as sweet.

"Dios mio" Rafael whispers gruffly, his disheveled hair hanging low in front of his brown eyes, dark and lustful.

I wrap my finely toned legs around his waist like a ribbon and squeeze as my nails rake down his wet, sweat covered back, drawing blood as I dig in deep, Rafael wincing in pain. He grabs at my jaw and brings my face into view, kissing me roughly without hesitation, the facial hair around his soft lips tickling my skin with a scratch.

He pulls away and stares lovingly and deeply into my orbs as he continues to fuck me generously onto the mattress, the bed springs hidden beneath us lightly squeaking with each thrust.

"Harder" I plead "Come on, Rafi, I'm so close, give it to me"

"The baby" Rafael counters worriedly "We-"

"Nothing will happen, just trust me, okay? This is actually good for the baby"

Hesitantly he pulls out midway and slams back in with full force, heeding my request, each hit leaving me breathless and gasping for air.

"Yes!" I shout, feeling my orgasm draw near "Oh fuck!"

Rafael's thrusts instantly grow faster and my cries grow louder than ever before, my voice drowning out the banging of the headboard and the sound of whatever was playing in the tv that hung against the wall behind us.

Breathy growls and grunts escape easily through Rafael's gritted teeth like a mad dog as his member tears me apart at the seams, each hit making my body writhe and tremble beneath his large frame.

"Oh!" I screech with a wide open mouth, feeling an orgasm wash over me like a tsunami, Rafael following closely behind with a release of his own, filling me up with his cum.

He stays still for a moment, laying on top of me while he catches his breath.

"Wow" I giggle lightheartedly "That was...amazing"

"Better than the first time?" Rafael questions as he pulls out gradually and lays down on the bed beside me.

"Yes, better than the first time"

Rafael scoffs with a snort "I'm not certain if I should be offended by that or not"

"You shouldn't"

"I'm still worried about the baby" he counters "What if-"

"Rafael Barba, our baby is fine" I reiterate slightly annoyed "The ultrasound will tell you so in a few weeks and when it comes out that the baby is fine, I'll want you on your knees giving me an apology"

"Excuse me?" The man beside me sasses, surprised "I will do no such thing"

I break out in laughter, Rafael rolling his eyes "Oh, Rafi, how I love getting under your skin"

"Don't remind me"

"You do remember you're the one who started getting under my skin first, right? Walking into SVU, throwing orders left and right like you owned the place"

"I don't remember that, no" Rafael retorts with a cheeky grin

I huff teasingly with a roll of the eyes and snuggle in closer towards him, laying my head down on his chest, listening to his heart as it beats gracefully against my ear.

"This is nice" I speak softly, closing my eyes

Rafael wraps his arms protectively around me, his lips planting a kiss on the top of my head "Yes, it is" he brings his hand forward and brushes away the hair covering the side of my face, noticing my eyes shut "Do you want the TV off?"

"No" I decline "I'm listening to it"

"That's why they have radios, isn't it, y/n?" he mouths sarcastically

"Do they have Sons of Anarchy on the radio, Rafael? Because if they do, I'm all for it"

"Maybe they do" he replies, grimacing as he fidgets slightly, trying make himself comfortable "God, you really did a number on my back, you know that?"

"You should be flattered" I answer with a smirk

"Oh, I am" Rafael takes in a deep breath, his chest rising and falling against my face as he exhales slowly

"Something on your mind, Rafi?"

"No" he lies "Just thinking"

"About what?"

"A lot of things"

I open my eyes and sit up, straddling him, the palms of my hands rubbing up and down his chest, his hands gently planted on my hips "Rafi, would one of those things happen to be the conversation we ended our dinner date on?"

"Maybe"

"I'll make it easy on you" I simper "I think that you should move in with me at least just until we find our dream house, or something close to it"

"What's wrong with moving into my apartment?"

"Mine is just a tad bit bigger than yours" I shrug innocently, Rafael sighing in defeat

"You know, I really hate to admit it but you're actually right"

"I know" I peck a short lived kiss on his lips "Whenever you're ready, just let me know"

"Okay, will do"

"Go-" I roll my eyes as my phone goes off on the nightstand. I reach over and grab a hold of the vibrating device, taking a glance at the name brightly lit on the screen

"Who is it?"

"Liv" I respond as I answer the phone with just a swipe and raise it to my ear "Lieutenant"

"Y/n, I know it's late but I need you at Ocean Valley, we got a body. I'll explain more when you get here"

"Alright, just let me get dressed and I'll be there soon as I can"

"Alright"

I hang up and rest the cell back on the nightstand

"I take it you have to leave?" Rafael voices wistfully

"Yeah, I'm sorry" I climb off his being and start getting dressed in my work clothes that I had already laid out for the following day, Rafael watching me from his place on the bed until I was all finished and ready to leave "Will you still be here whenever I get back?"

"Maybe" he smirks crookedly.

"Alright, well if you leave I have a spare key under my door mat, just be sure to lock my door behind you, okay?"

"Will do" he nods "Be safe, will you please?"

I shoot him wink and step out, driving to the crime scene where Liv and the other's stood gathered around.

"Y/n" Olivia greets, waving me over

"What do we have?" I inch closer and take a took at the body for myself as Olivia begins to describe the situation. Female. Brunette. Possibly late twenties, early thirties. Pale. Bruised black and blue with a deep cut slid across her throat, and she was wet, almost as if washed to shore "Wow, someone really did a number on her"

"Yeah" Sonny voices, "And check this out" He grabs at the hem of her shirt and raises it, revealing 'Not Mine' carved into her stomach.

"What's not hers?" I question as I can feel my own stomach growing nauseous, raising my finger straight into the air, alerting my partner to hold that thought as I  turn my back and step a few feet away from the scene, vomiting all the over the sand.

"Hey, you alright?" My partner inquires concernedly

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm good"

"You sure?" Liv counters, her hand on my shoulder

"Yeah, positive" I lock eyes momentarily with Fin who stood with raised brows, knowing damn well the real reason for my sickness

"Okay" Sonny continues "You ready for this?"

"What?"

"Our girl isn't wearing any panties and has vaginal tearing which tells us she may have been raped and, we don't have the results yet, but we believe that she may have been pregnant also, hence the message carved into her stomach"

I kneel in front of the body to take a closer look, esp at her features as she looks familiar "She have an ID on her?"

"No" Rollins answers "Searched every pocket, nothing"

"She, she looks familiar though. I think I know her"

"You what?" Liv jumps in "How?"

"She's one of those girls that went missing a long while back, her picture is posted on that missing person's website"

"You positive?" Fin questions, kneeling in front of the body as well.

"Yeah" I stand, facing Liv "Who called this in?"

"Two teenage love birds" her finger pointing over my shoulder at a boy and a girl in a comforting embrace "We still have yet to take their statement"

"I'll do it" I voice as I make my way over to the teens, Sonny following closely behind me.

"Hi" I greet warmly "I'm detective y/n y/l/n, this is my partner Sonny, I understand you were the ones who found the body and phoned it in?"

"Yeah" the boy answers

"Okay, can you tell us what happened?"

"Ugh, sure. My girlfriend and I were walking across the beach. We noticed the waves start to pick up and we stopped, just staring off into the distance at them until they eventually drew near and...and..."

"That is when you saw the body come into shore along with the waves?" Sonny quizzes

"Yeah" the girl responds "Right in front of our feet"

"Do any of you know the victim, happen to recognize the body at all?"

"No" the boyfriend and his girl verbalize in unison with a shake of their heads in denial

"Okay, everything you've told us, is that all that happened?"

"Yeah" the boyfriend responds

"Alright, thanks" Sonny acknowledges "And can we get both your names please?"

"Kevin Davis and Ginger Wilson"

"Okay, Kevin and Ginger, thanks for your time" I accede, pulling out my card to which they accept "If you think of anything else or forgot to tell us something, please do not hesitate to give me a call okay?"

"Yes, ma'am" Kevin smiles "Are, are we free to go now?"

"Yes, you can go" Sonny answers "Thanks"

Carisi and I make our way back to the body, filling Liv and everyone else in on the teens statement

"They're positive that's all they saw?"

"Pretty sure, yeah" I remark "You know whoever did this, I take it had to be a lover or someone she was having an affair with"

"Well first we have to find out who she is" Liv reciprocates

"I'm on that" I address "Going back to the precinct to do some digging, call you guys up with what I find"

"Okay, Carisi go with her"

"Yeah, Sunshine, come with" I chuckle, playfully sticking out my tongue at him

He shakes his head, following me to my car "Hey, you sure you're okay?"

"Yes, my God, I'm fine"

"Okay" his lips spew while his heart tells him different, clearly not believing me but leaving the matter alone for now nonetheless "You would tell me if you weren't though, right?"

"Yeah, of course I would" I answer as I unlock the doors and get in "So stop worrying, will you?"

"Well, you're my partner, it's my job to worry about you"

"No, your job is to have my back" I retort, putting on my seatbelt and starting the engine "But thanks anyway, I love always feeling so safe and smothered around you"

"Very funny" Sonny sasses "You're hilarious"

I giggle in response "I know, aren't I?"

"Just drive" Carisi orders with a chuckle and a shake of his head

"Yes sir" I reply sarcastically "Let's go and find out who this girl is once and for all, huh?"

"Yeah, the more we find out the better"

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rafael will make an appearance soon

This list full of missing person’s seems to be never ending, my hand only catching a break from scrolling to either pick up my cup of tea or a jelly filled donut, my partner seated across from me judgmentally taking a peak from time to time, making me shake my head and chuckle at his failed attempt to be sneaky.

“You know, I’m not going to eat the whole box, you’re free to a donut if you want one, Sunshine” I avert my tired eyes from my screen, landing them on his boyish facade, smiling

“No, I’m good, thanks” Sonny denies with a quick wave of the hand “What page are you on?”

I inhale deeply, exhaling my answer with a sigh “Seventy. You?”

“Thirty two” Sonny answers lowly, situating his elbow on the table and his hand under his chin, the weight of his head resting in the center of his palm  

“Shame, you know? All these people missing and there comes a point in time where law enforcement just gives up on them, thinking they’re chasing ghosts”

“That’s because they technically are, y/n. You really believe a majority of these people are still alive?”

“I know a majority of them aren’t but that’s still no reason to toss them aside like a crumpled piece of paper and just forget about them. You know, I at least give this site a glance once a month just in case if, by any chance, I come across and recognize these people somewhere. I mean, why bother being a cop otherwise?” I lecture as I glance down at my phone that pinged beside me, my finger opening the text from Rafael.

 

****Rafael** **

Decided to stay. Hope you don’t mind me  
raiding your fridge and watching some TV.

No, lol, go crazy. I was planning on going  
food shopping soon anyway.

Thank you *smile emoji*

*wink emoji* See you soon, handsome

“New info about the case?” Sonny quizzes as I place my phone back onto the desk, screen face down

“No” I simper “Personal”

“Oh” my partner nods in understanding “Speaking of personal, how was dinner with your friend?”

“Dinner was…” I pause as I click the next page and immediately recognize our victim

“Dinner was what, y/n?”

“Forget that, Sunshine, I just found our Jane Doe”

“Who is she?”

“Phoenix Jenkins”

Sonny frantically clicks away at his keyboard, finding whatever info he can regarding her background “Okay, she attends Princeton, Majoring in gender and sexuality studies, home address is 3711 Aberton Ave”

“Alright, Sunshine” I stand, placing my phone inside my pocket “Let’s go”

Sonny and I casually make the two hour drive to the given address, not knowing what or who to expect, all we knew is that spilling the news about Phoenix to whoever answers will be no easy or pleasant task.

“I knock, you spill?” I put forth to my partner with a playful nudge of the arm as we ascend the porch stairs and stand in front of the doorway

“No chance” he counters as he raises his hand into a fist and knocks away, more times than necessary until the door finally opens, a lean, middle aged woman with black hair and freckled sun-brown skin standing on the other side, reading glasses resting on the bridge of her nose.

“Hi, Mrs. Jenkins?”

“Yes?” she acknowledges, exchanging glances between my partner and I who flash our badges, also introducing ourselves “What’s this about?”

“Your daughter Phoenix” I answer

“Oh my God, you found her?”

Sonny and I glance at each other momentarily before placing our focus back on the woman standing before us “We have, yes. Mind if we come inside, ask you a few questions?”

“No, no, not at all, please” The lean woman leans to the side, waiting as my partner and I stepped foot into her home, large and luxurious “Please, this way” she remarks, leading us into the living room, filled to the brim with family photos, paintings, and autographed sports memorabilia on full display atop the mantle piece.

“Take a seat, get comfortable, please” her hands motioning to the beige couch facing the television, waiting as Sonny and I did as instructed before continuing with her welcoming requests “Would you like some water, coffee?”

“No, thank you” we deny in unison, waiting as Mrs. Jenkins joins us, taking a seat on a couch chair adjacent to my partner and I “Is your husband home as well, Mrs. Jenkins?”

“Please, call me Laurel and no, my husband Kacey is at work. He usually comes home around six, sometimes later” she clarifies “My daughter” the black haired woman speaks dismally without hesitation “She…She’s dead isn’t she?”

“Yes, she is” Sonny answers “We’re sorry for your loss, ma’am”

“Thank you” Laurel lowers her head, tear filled orbs staring down at her hands, folded and shaking as they rested on her lap “Whe-Where did you find her?”

“Her body was found by two teenagers washed up on the shore of Ocean Valley earlier this morning.” I reply, Carisi filling her in on the rest of the details as I pull out my phone, glancing at Olivia’s text regarding our victim

 

****Liv** **

M.E. confirms victim was both raped and pregnant.

Copy that. Carisi and I are at her parents house now  
speaking with her mother. I’ll let her know.

“Mrs. Jenkins” I call as I show Sonny the text from Liv before inserting the phone back inside my pocket “Do you have any knowledge at all of Phoenix having a boyfriend?”

“She did but they broke up before Phoenix went missing. She wanted to go to college here and he wanted to go and study law in Australia. Why?”

“Because my Lieutenant, Mrs. Jenkins, just texted me confirming that Phoenix had been raped as we had originally suspected”

“Raped?”

“Yes, and…and she was also pregnant and badly beaten. Her throat was cut and the words ‘not mine’ were etched on her stomach”

“Pregnant, beaten, and cut” she sniffles, grabbing a tissue from the the small table beside her chair “What kind of disgusting animal would do something like this?”

“That is exactly what we are trying to find out, Mrs. Jenkins. Do you know if her ex has visited her at any point in time before her disappearance?”

“No. No, her ex has not visited her, not that I know of”

“Okay. Do you maybe know of any other men Phoenix may have been keeping in contact with then, anyone at all?”

“No” Laurel shakes her head in denial “Phoenix was a church going girl, she was not the type to just sleep around with random men and have one boyfriend after another, detective.”

“We understand that Mrs. Jenkins” Sonny jumps in “We’re just trying to get as much info as we can to find the person who did this and, believe me, we are in no way making assumptions as to what kind of person Phoenix may have been, we just sometimes have to ask the hard questions”

“I understand”

“Alright” Sonny and I stand in unison, ready to step out “You wouldn’t happen to have Phoenix’s phone by any chance, would you?”

“I do, yes, she forgot to take it with her when she left for school that day. It’s in the drawer on the table beside you”

Sonny opens the said drawer and pulls out an iPhone covered in a hot pink protective cover “Do you know the code?”

“Two, four, eight, six”

Sonny punches in the digits, the phone unlocking with a swift swishing sound “Bingo”

“What happens now?”

“Well, my partner and I are going to do some more research, look through her phone, see who she’s been in contact with, go to her last visited locations”

“Thank you, really”

“Mrs. Jenkins” I smile sincerely “I promise you, we will find the person who did this and we will let you know soon as we have them in custody”

“In the meantime-” Sonny pulls out his card, extending his hand towards her “If anything else comes to mind, please give me a call”

Yes “Laurel extends her hand, accepting the card and giving it a quick glance “I will”

“Okay. We’ll also need you to identify the body soon as possible, make sure it really is Phoenix we are dealing with”

“Yes, of course”

“Good. We’ll be in touch if we have any further questions”

“Alright, thanks again”

Sonny and I help ourselves out, ambling back to the car parked on the curb “So, Sunshine, what do you think?”

“I think we go back to the precinct, wait for Liv and the others before we go and do anything else”

“Or you can just call her and tell her we finished talking with the mother and will be paying a visit to-” I grab the phone from Sonny’s hand and scroll through the settings, taking a look at the last known location Phoenix has visited “9251 Spring Drive”

“Club Deluxe” Sonny murmurs nonchalantly

“You’ve been?”

“Yeah” Sonny shrugs his shoulders, brushing it off as no big deal “I used to date a girl who worked there”

“And she doesn’t anymore?”

“I don’t know, haven’t been there ever since we broke up”

“Well, I guess we’ll find out then, won’t we?” I chuckle, poking fun at my partner “Get in, loser, we’re going clubbing”


End file.
